Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
