It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
