I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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