dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
