my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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