He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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