Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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