Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
