And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
