Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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