I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
