did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How's work?
Spinning.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
