...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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