I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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