I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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