I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
