Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
