just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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