God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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