how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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