I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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