Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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