Someone shit on the floor
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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