life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
