i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
