So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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