This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
