Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you made out with another girl for some wings
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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