Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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