I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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