I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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