I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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