I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
