i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i've created a new STD.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
