This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
