Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
