U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize