I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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