My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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