i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Randomize