PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
