a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
