The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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