he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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