she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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