i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
