I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
