What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
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