Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
