I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm sobbing to NWA
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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