i permit you to call me
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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