We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
