I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
