I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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