But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
