never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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